a compendium of pure nonsense by Johnathan Carr
©1998-2007 Johnathan Carr


Prime and witty prize-winning silly putty

A graphic novel with gravel printed on feathers and thrown out a window

A sermon stapled to my brain

Bootleg stocking stuffers

The Jell-O ridden, red rum rising, Ritalin sleigh ride to hell

A hot sauce handshake for breakfast and a side of potato shampoo 

Tricky Nick's Resume Paper Guillotine!  Now on Sale!

Wax paper nightmare

All-American French-Canadian Bacon Burger

Seconds of wither

The back cover of my dictionary in the rehab dimension.

Sketching of a paper airplane on paper

A planet of pinball oddities

My past delusion of author Norwell Rockman

Hawk-eyed peaches, perfect little ones perching outside a bank window

The courtroom of dead bunnies

Today's Headlines: Seventy heads of red cabbage in Oslo

A left-brain turn-off: the empty carpool lane on-ramp in Frogger

A Machina Alligator nest full of rust-orange caltrops

Signature caliber shells, seashells, shelves and green Formica tabletops 

A peppy, ditsy, Pepsi Dance Club soda jerk

Runaway electrolytes milking their way through Fruitopia

Baby Ali-Baba beating beetles with bedknobs

Luxurious lather soapbox surf-derby to Zimbabwe

Barney's noble Tabasco flask space ice cream crate and cornflake '45

A bleach-white Omaha Beach omelet burnt golden brown saltshaker shower power

A baker's hydrated pineapple-active hypodermic breakfast

The secret Excedrin-stapled ex-maple-bleeder

The fifth concentric fructose concentrate of Hellmann's Mayonnaise

Frantic roasting chestnut-rocket powered salad dressing

A liquid crystal display of affection

The 208 hurdles of mechanical semblance

A somnambulist clawing for Awake Cake

Trespassing in the invisible sour lemon glass alley

The mating tricks of Leningrad alumnus Fred Nastings

Super lamentation of the final three million oceans

A grade A eggbeater, see?

A random tickle from sexy, salty clamshell candy

The hand-tossed, dry-cleaned, crusty medulla of your next payroll

Leftover shadows from my glass fortress inferno

Diesel powered soap-dispenser

Angel dust-gun disco

Essence of merciful turbo

V8 glucose-coated search engine

The year of bacon

How much would you pay for the road map of poverty? 

Bitter, nail-bitten, hammerhead thumbs of the black hole sniper

Ceramic devil smiles

An ice ball sandwich on a morning drive

The chooser of nasty flavors

Countdown cardboard microwave driver

On the brink of pipes

Glass in a ditch, filling the ditch

Rorschach grave roll of all grave rolls

Back on the bottle of burnt golden gram crackergate bridge models

Cherry bomb on a Sundae afternoon

Broccoli slut bonanza

Daring escape from the invisible prison camp of ButterVille

In the absence of forks

Dead adamant urban fish-art dealers

Spinal tap dance overture (prelude to a spinal tap)

Forty miles without Kool-aid

Eisenstenian mud pie: dirt short

The underture of sightless trust

Dalì sea glass surgery

Phonebook dementia

An immediate kevlar high

Quasi-annual Bisuteki Cajun spleen dish bake-off

The December Cuban Gazette: Riptide to Raze Award-winning Cucumber Crop

Boiling echinacea heretics

Your curiously displaced DX Altoids

Free association binge cooking

Everything but the grapefruit

Repeated crash course on Alzheimer’s macaroni

Empty can of worms... empty can of beans... empty can of soup

Nightly rise and fall of Gastro the Amazing!

A Benzocaine variety dish

Elvis Presley Stamp glue a la carte

Cranapple bubblegum

Peking duck skull stuffing

I can’t believe it’s not Perrier!

Today's Specials: Toast with Marmalade and Cocaine Surprise

A lot of canned air

The Constellation Jawbreaker

Come for the music, stay for the Electric Venison Cobbler!  Mmmmmm!

Today's Specials: Rita’s Water Ice and Floor Pizza with everything

An Astral Pancake

Trouncing megawatts on their honeymoon

Orange drink longevity

Eyeballs engulfing phobiastic holograms

Entrance to the rhinoplasty thunder dome

Incest #48803

Scantily clad ‘panic button’ keystroke

Faith in magnets

Hypoglossal flipbook bizzarity

The Daily Moiré

Time unveiling fish

To forgive: premonition 270 degrees then let warn

Eons of rocks staying clean

Lunatic powder-chick lemonade stand

Burning long-term apple butter churning factory contracts

How to eat pecan pie without really trying


The Cyan Strangler

Scraping the fun off the floor

Asbestos, the other white trick-or-treat

Double-click candy flip

The Emory Blimp shot down over Red Square

A matchstick lemur penthouse

Mad Aqua Degio tremulous facial cream

The Bagels of Tomorrow

The Cubist Revolutionaries

55 minutes of just birds

Missing Action TV

Truth sworn lukewarm to fleeting crescents

Born to the purple and red overflowing

Associative ink well

Hysterogenic chantry leap

Given up on aqueducts

Repression of a steak knife

Not from science

Horrifying instances of infinite plasticity

A Cancer of happy symbols

The healing power of Red Dye No. 40

Declaration of flash paper

Breakfast over the counter

Cement jungle boogie-woogie-woo

Polycarbonate pressure strut

Does not float well with others

The Humble Pie Cartographer

Forget the tomatoes

Unraveling a story to the apple’s core

Oozing it all the way to Flapjack, Cramnation

Announcing the Plastic Frontier

Lizard of a thousand uses

This new obscurity

4 A.M. gravity check

Classic Hollywood nerve ending

The buoyant Bayer Cringe-car paint job

Sawing of the Club to the tooth-pain, then licking the Boot

Two quaking, copulating salt-and-pepper shakers

Faith as a linoleum floor plan

Time will wait for them

The stereotypical one-letter difference

Batters of melief

Well, given the map at birth

Second gear sanguine

Second grade A goose meat salami segue

Greeting the siege parade

‘The Sink’- its own style

Gestalt on precinct ß

What price lemonade?

Buzzing to a different bumble


A dialogue with life’s catalyst

Muffin face

Sekula photographing the downfall of headgear

Rubbermaid trampolinear cakewalk


The insatiable Acid Mines

The future of indecision

A third of the way to the hospital

The serendipity strike force of Reggie Banister

Avoiding the pickle mysteries

Two brownouts with Tictacs to pass the time

The starving children of Wonderland

Further knowledge of guts

Chocolate corruption

Bare-naked fumble of the Pain Wizard

Roomtone fatigue

Everything be want wonderful

Last kiss of an ashtray

Tremendous digestion of a complete stranger

Perpetual closure machine

No point to sphere sheep

Painting moonstyle, crushing like hunger

The stapled ears of Hercules IV

This untitled madness

Portable floor paranoia payoff

Skybent antennae-flawgic of the paraffin fool

Zippermission angels spreading the mohawk bird

Tragic jam AND a hyper lock embrasion to boot, crantastic!

/hilarity! (slash hilarity!)

Ginger-dense lovecrumbs descending the century’s trenches

The Hollandaise Narcotic’s Blue Plate Benefactor Freakout (or just The Freakout)

Screeching blind men chosen wisely

Lightning Spoon (!) excavating the bag of fried wonder!

When Play-doh enshrouds the most hated word

Dough, afeard, congealing shards of a thought cookie

Hooray for giant medicine

Clamping the common move OR Mid-monkey frillusion of the moment ...depending

Tucker Lee Crochet and the fourth location of anarchy

Bladder batter running free over the hills, pills, Mozills!  It could happen.
-- Never again

War of Darts VII: Enter the Blendernest
-- Not a crazy

-- Adam Gain, DMS

No end to the rhododendron and flu-bug rhubarb, believe me.
-- Granny17

Straight-jacket lawyers healing believers of Rantinidine.
-- Joymint

hekkle and jekyl freckle food
-- the foo

Undertaking overlords of the evil Olive Garden oligarchy!
-- Alexander the Groovy

The Waffle Convention Massacre
-- phi

GUESS: Grand Unified Ejector Seat Syndrome
-- A Crow named Nymh

Pneumatic stovetop stuffing pop crackerjack craker Snapple cral? Creulautif!! Boorage... ? & ?
-- the Negaverse

Liquid plastique, sticking out from his chum-tucker front pocket overalls, all over the frosty network!
-- Frogger six-point-ten

Surreptitious watermelon-ball bombing movie trailer parks.
-- Cooper

hello fishies swimming through the mind feild
-- crazyman

Plenty o' snakcks from this ex-frisherman's outboard exhaust fan tan [locamotion] Lotion 39.
-- True Blue

Live-action diffusal of a bank loan. Golf!
-- This is only a test

TomatoMan comanche commanding toaster-con-carne strawberry strudel for me.
-- The Mfish

Hope I didn't hurt your brain too much.